Emotions

It's been a while since I posted.  These last few months have been filled with so many emotions and I wasn't able to really put them into words.  We have been trying to get pregnant again with the help of fertility drugs.  This is not an easy process as the drugs themselves make me more emotional and take a toll on my body.  We have been clinging to hope that we will be able to experience the joy of having another child.  So far, no luck.  Which brings disappointment, frustration, pain and sorrow.  There's also anger and desperation mixed in.  On top of dealing with that, we just celebrated Ashlynne's 1 year heavenly anniversary.  I had no idea how much deep, intense, agonizing pain and sorrow would resurface with this occasion.   I have not felt this type of emotion since losing Ashlynne a year ago.  It took me by surprise and I have not been dealing with it well.  It has shaken me to my core and I have started to doubt everything and everyone in my life. I have episodes of uncontrolled crying.  I couldn't stop if I wanted too.  I know this is still part of the healing process but it's hard on my family and friends to see my go through this and have no idea how to help...I have no idea what they could do to help...I need prayer.  I need to dig deep into my faith again, even though I have anger towards God right now, and pull myself out of this pit.  I need to heal and move forward and not linger in this pain.  It is suffocating....